And I thought I´d Never Live to See a Seahorse

Location: Utila, Bay Islands, Honduras



Utila Island: Dive capital of Central America and home to the second largest coral reef next to the Great Barrier Reef of Australia. Well sign me up. After doing a bit of trial and error we stumbled upon a lovely little dive shop that welcomed us in and charmed us with their good nature and friendly atmosphere, something we were not greeted with at the first few places we checked out. With an entirely Honduran staff, including our very attractive dive instructor Ric, and the owner born and raised on the island who knew the reef like the back of his hand, we knew instantly we were in a good place. They knew every fish and piece of seaweed we pointed at during our underwater excursions and even gave us the opportunity to do some ballet and kung-fu while we were at it (refer to the video at the bottom of this page). It turned out Julia and I almost liked doing skills more than the actual scuba diving itself. I mean, who does not like doing fin pivots on the sandy ocean floor with a hot dive instructor, or be suspended mid-water in the buddha position to test for buoyancy control? Julia and I came up with a little sign language of our own to communicate under water when we got bored during the confined water training, that is while the other girls were struggling with their mask removal and clearing exercise. We discussed things like getting Indian food after the class, indicated by the prayer sign and pointing to a hypothetical dot in the middle of the forehead to represent the traditional Hindu mark, followed by a shoveling-food-in-the-mouth motion (all very clever Jules I must say).

Our first confined dive was a bit surprising to me, as I have never in my life breathed under water using any kind of device, and it is truly an odd feeling at first. It took me a good hour to feel fully comfortable with the whole idea and to grasp the concept of breathing normally using full, deep breaths. We descended a few meters and sat waiting for the first signals from the instructor and I was like CRAP I CAN´T BREATH OUT OF MY NOSE!!!!! WHERE´S THE SURFACE AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This reaction was proceeded with about a half an hour of snorting water through the nasal cavity of my mask that kept filling up before I taught myself to breath solely through my mouth and NOT my nose. I think my brain is still floating in some salt water to this day. In no time I was an inhale-exhale pro, simulating Darth Vader´s breathing pattern and probably increasing my lung capacity, which means my long distance running is really going to improve when I get home. After I got that down everything else was cake. Well that´s what I thought until I climbed onto the boat after that first day and realized my knees were completely torn apart by the coral we had been kneeling on. You know Ricky, you may be an exotically attractive Honduran man so I´ll let it slide, but that was not cool making us practice skills on razor sharp coral for our first confined dive! The pus and slime oozing from my knees the next morning nearly made one of the Israeli girls in our class lose her breakfast. However, our dive master assistant, also Israeli, said if I could endure pain like that, I have what it takes to join the Israeli army. That was certainly a compliment but a fate I am glad I do not share with those girls who all just finished their service.

In fact, we started calling it Israel island after a few days because everyone who was not a local, was Israeli. It was incredible. It is such a tiny country so how did so many of them make it here? Julia and I felt like the only two people walking the island not speaking Hebrew. We did learn how to make some darn good Chakshuka though. For those of you unfamiliar with this fabulous dish, it is a traditional Israeli egg plate made with tomato sauce, tomatoes, onions, bell pepper, hot sauce and spices. You crack the eggs over the top, let it cook and shazam! Something your taste buds will never forget. This girls gave us a cooking lesson after class one day and we had a feast on the dock just before sunset. So here we were in Honduras, speaking English and Hebrew, cooking middle-eastern food, and cracking American jokes. Not quite the local experience I was looking for but a great deal of fun nonetheless.

Now the local marine experience was what I was hoping for. We saw tons of amazing fish, a moray eel, a seahorse, a huge southern stingray (unlike the ones in Nicaragua this one did not like to brush up against our ankles), a baby sting ray that Julia was able to get some video footage off, Groupers (large fish Julia and I mistook for sharks and are still convinced that they were sharks), jellyfish, and a fish called a ¨slippery dick¨. Don´t ask me the marine biologist/comic/idiot who came up with that one. So in a nutshell it was like swimming around Finding Nemo....plus one slippery dick.

The icing on the cake was a run-in with a wonderful guy named Moises whom many thought was Hawaiian Samoa due to his size and skin color, and whom on the day we met was wearing none other than a Denver Broncos jersey, my favorite team (following in my dad´s footsteps). I immediately complimented him on his jersey selection for the day and the rest was history. The three of us became instant dive buddies. For our last dive on the island he brought us all jerseys to wear, so at 18 meters we were all representing a different team. We wore them all day proceeding the dive to then represent team Moises. Mike Shanahan should cut me a check for all the publicity I did for him on that trip.

Finally, after one week, much contemplation, and ultimate reluctance, we bid Utila farewell. But not before giving Moises his 50th hug of the day and another thank you to all the staff for taking such good care of us. And a thousand besos to Ricky for his patience, humor, and training us well so as not to rupture an ear drum or puncture a lung upon ascension. And for being exotically gorgeous. We will miss you all. Until next time Utila...